At the end of June, I found out I was pregnant. Before we found out, we were determined to just stick with two kids. We had one of each. It was perfect. I was on birth control, we were planning on getting hubby fixed soon. So when we found out, it was a huge shock! Like, woah. After the shock wore off, we were excited. I didn't know it at the time but after an ultrasound, I was only 3 weeks when I found out. I thought that was too soon to find out, but hey. The life was already there (and who am I to take away that right?!?! but that's for another post:) so we accepted it. Beginning-mid July, I started getting a feeling that something was wrong. That feeling never went away. I went in for an ultrasound when I was 6 weeks 1 day. Cardiac activity was there, everything seemed good. My feeling was still there, as much as I tried, it never went away. I had all the symptoms of being pregnant. The tiredness, the nausea oh the nausea! My morning sickness was bad this time. With Little Man, it wasn't that bad, with Little Lady it was considerably worse. This last time, it was horrible! It was not fun, no anit-nausea anything would work. Pepermints and SeaBands kept me being able to do the basics. I mean with two kids, I couldn't be out for the count! Morning sickness was the main reason I barely touched my computer in July and the first 2 weeks in August. But my bad feeling was still there. Then at the beginning of August, I started bleeding. I knew my bad feeling was coming ture. I tried to prepare myself for the mid-August OBGYN appointment that the nurse had told me to wait for because bleeding is normal in the first trimester. It sucked, but I waited. The day finally came and I went for my appointment with an ultrasound. I was soooo nervous. I had been praying for weeks that this baby would be okay. It wasn't. The Dr, pulled up the ultrasound and said "Do you see what I see? I don't see an 11 week baby." The baby was only measuring 6 weeks 3 days. Only two days older then my initial ultrasound. I had talked to my Dr. (who was fabulous and super supportive) about my bad feelings before my ultrasound, and afterwards she said that the motherly instinct is not something to mess with. As much as I had prepared myself for that, I still lost it as soon as she closed the door. It was hard, really hard. Then I had to go home and break the news to Hubby. After all of that, I felt I needed to take time to focus on my family. My two beautiful children I do have, my husband and working on getting my school done. I signed off of Facebook telling everyone a breif message that I would be taking a break to focus on my family. Facebook is a great site, but it's also a great distraction! It's only been about 2 weeks and I'm still sad, but I feel better. Being prepared and having been through this before (in 2010 in between Little Man and Little Lady) that helped me deal with it.
So now I'm back on my ball! I will be starting my Creations from Pinsperations so look out for that post tomorrow or the next day! Till then
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